3 Things

3 blessings I have received today:

1. To wake up and start a fresh new day.
2. Having dinner with friends that talk about important things and bear their testimony (sometimes is words, but more often in actions) to me each time I am with them.
3. Feeling the Spirit. Having Him as a companion is truly one of God's greatest gifts.

November 27, 2009

Hola Dad,

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope all is well. Dad, I really wish I could talk to you. I have so many things I want to ask you. Your sister Alberta passed away and it raised many MANY questions about past history.

Joe and I were talking the other day and we wondered out loud what you would have done if Alberta had passed away before you. We both decided that your reaction would have been close to Uncle Edwards. You would have been sad, and you would have wanted to be involved in everything. You wouldn't have mentioned at the funeral all the negative things that happened in your relationship, but instead would have just been a support. I think you would have been sad to see your sister pass away. I bet you were there standing in the wings when she arrived on the other side. Tall and silent, that's how I picture you.

I went with mom to Alberta's viewing and funeral, you would have wanted that. You would want your family to support hers. That's something you and mom taught us, family comes first, no matter what your relationship is or was. It was interesting to compare your viewing and funeral to Alberta's viewing and funeral. The differences having me pondering why they were there, I think I have it figured out...it wasn't really that hard.

The burning questions are about what was said at her funeral about her life and history. Some of the things that were shared about her growing up had some interesting parts left out from the stories you told...I wonder if she didn't know or if she didn't tell her children. Alberta was described as a kind, loving, caring, person with great taste. This is not how I viewed her or how she treated us. Do you think this was because of your relationship with her? Is this because of Grandma Gaer? It is all very strange. Very strange. I know you and mom tried to do all you could. I wish things could have been different, that the relationship would have been there. I think it would have made a huge difference.

Dad, when we see each other in heaven again and if there is a movie of your life...do you think I could watch it? I have all these questions. I would like to see for myself with you sitting by explaining what is going on...just to clear up all my questions.

Much Love,
D'Nell

p.s. Going to Alberta's funeral reminded me how much I miss you. Thank you for watching over me...I know you are. I love you.

Heart Full Of Thanks

Today I have a heart full of THANKS.

I am thankful for being a part of the Ardell & Dean family. I truly couldn't imagine better parents, or better brothers and sisters. For me, this was the perfect family, including all the ups and downs.

I am thankful for just best nieces and nephews. I went to see New Moon with two of my nieces last night, truly my nieces and nephews are some of my best friends (even the in-laws). It helps that they are about my same age.

I am thankful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which has taught me about eternal families. This gospel helps me to have peace each day, not only peace, but HOPE.

I am thankful to have a job. A job which I love...even if I sometimes complain...I still love it.

Today, I have a very thankful heart.

I Covet

I want this car, Audi Q5 2009 (or 2010). I want this car in gray, black, or red. I want it fully loaded. A woman I work with just got this car and I had the privilege of riding from Burley to Salt Lake with her. I WANT THIS CAR.

(hint hint: if you have lots of spare money laying around and don't know what to do with it...this would make a FABULOUS Christmas gift for me!)

For Tracie

Today after I left your mom's viewing I thought about something you said and how I responded. When you said "you know how I am feeling you have been through this" and then I said "yes". That was the wrong response.

On my way back to work I thought about my response and this is what I should have said:

"Losing my dad when I am relatively young was ALWAYS a part of my story. I always knew it and had already come to terms with it long before it actually happened. Because I knew this, I planned accordingly. While losing him was still really hard and I miss him everyday, and will not have him for yet to come important parts in my life, this was still ALWAYS a part of my story.
However, you losing your mom was NOT a part of your story. You still had many years and many memories that needed to be made. Conversations, arguments, hugs, and learning moments that needed to be shared. Laughter and crying. You losing your mom was NOT a part of your story. I have know idea how you feel."

I can't imagine how hard the next little while...or long while will be for you. I can tell you that nothing helps more than the Gospel. Finding strength through prayer and scripture study. Turn to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and feel their love. Talk about it as much as you need. Make sure you have fun and remember the good parts. Also, don't forget to laugh. I love you.

One Year Ago

One year ago today I saw my dad for the last time.
One year ago today I told him I loved him.
One year ago today I knew, I knew that this may be the last time I would see him in this life.
One year ago today my heart started aching.

As the one year anniversary of my dad death has gotten closer I find that I often have to hold back tears. His death seems like it happened so long ago, but yet I can remember the moment I heard he was gone as if it were 2 minutes ago. I have learned over the years that there are some moments that always stay crystal clear in my memory.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary, 11/7/2008.

One year later I know, even more, that my Father in Heaven loves me.
One year later I have more compassion for those who have lost a parent, no matter their age.
One year later I still miss him and long for the day when I get to see him again.
One year later I know that he is my Guardian Angel. That he watches over me, that he also can't wait for the day when he gets to wrap his arms around me.