Life Long Quest

If you have arachnophobia, do you seek out opportunities to let spiders crawl all over you? If you have a crazy fear of public speaking do you volunteer to speak in public often, or if you detest tomatoes with your whole being, do you purchase them and eat them everyday? No? Really? Oh, well then.

Here is a secret, so if you could keep this under wraps I would appreciate it, I am on a quest in life to overcome my fears and dislikes. I am not sure really when this started, but I suspect that it was right around the time that I decided to go to the other side of the world...with people I didn't know. Let me reveal some possibly little known facts about myself:

1. Doing anything that makes me stand out or makes people stare at me, scares me to death.
2. I am very shy, and going places by myself where I might have to talk to someone else is hard...even if it is to just go get a pedicure.
3. I am extremely scared of heights. Even standing close to the edge of a cliff even if there is a railing makes my heart beat really fast and all I can think of is what if the railing broke right now...and I can't wait until I get to move away and never have to see it again.
4. For most of my life I have HATED fish...to the point where the smell would make me dry heave.
5. I am afraid that I will discover that I am a fraud and that I am not really as smart or capable as I think I am...and even worse that other people will find out.
6. If you know me at all, this will not be a big surprise, but I am very STUBBORN and think my way of thinking is correct.
   

Why would I reveal such personal information about myself? To tell you something that I have known for along time. The biggest secret about myself is that I am not okay with any of the above statements. I believe that if I don't like something about myself I can change it...maybe it won't work, but I have to at least try.

Example 1: Take my hatred of fish. Several years ago, I decided this was ridiculous and that as an adult I should like fish. So, every opportunity I got I ate it and told myself I liked it. I even ordered it in restaurants. Today, I like fish so much that I love sushi.

Example 2: Fear of heights. When I went to Vegas for the first time with some family and friends several years ago, I decided I wanted to go on the ride on the top of the Stratosphere. I was anxious about it a lot...to the point that I had several nightmares about it, but I would not let this stop me. I wanted to do this to prove to myself that my fear of heights would not keep from experiencing life to the fullest. I am proud to say that I went on the ride...I thought I was going to have a heart attack because my heart was beating so fast, and I was happy to be back on solid ground. But, I did it. I beat my fear. Height - 0, D'Nell - 1. While, I still don't like heights, I know that I can overcome and not let them stop me from doing something.

Example 3: Stubbornness. I take every opportunity to talk to other people about how they view life, politics, religion, and the world around them. I love it. I know that I have the tendency to look at life with blindfolds on or to have tunnel vision. So, I step outside of what I fondly call "Delia's reality" and get a glimpse of other realities. I know that this can be a dangerous path to follow...but it has not only strengthened my most important beliefs, but has given me a love for other people and taught me to have compassion and empathy (qualities that I believe you have to continually work on). Also, it has helped me to see that life and people aren't robots, and that I am not always right...and that people are amazing and very interesting.

An Executive Vice President at the company I used to work for told new hires every time she came to talk to them, that she got where she was because of one reason: stepping out of her comfort zone and looking at it as an opportunity to grow. No matter how scared she might have been, she did it anyway.

I was on this quest long before I heard her say that, but it shed a light on the reason I have choose to step outside my comfort zone....to grow.