I love "new" things and that includes a new year. I have been thinking over the last month or so about what 2010 would mean for me. What goals would I set, what goals would I abandon, where would I be?
My thoughts tended to gravitate to the usual "pay down debt, diet, work out more, blah, blah, blah". I have set these goals many (MANY) times in the past and others like them and trust me when I say I don't feel like I have made a dent. Would 2010 be like other years? Or would this year be different? I often feel like I am running in place, and have been for several years. My life isn't moving in the direction I would like it to go, but feels like I am continually running in circles or taking a step forward only to take a step or two backwards. Would I break the cycle this year?
When I got home from Christmas vacation I decided to read the January Ensign and my heart was "pricked" when I read these words.
"Remember Lot's wife (Luke 17:32)...
My theme comes in the next verse. Surely, with the Lord’s counsel—“look not behind thee”—ringing clearly in her ears, Lot’s wife, the record says, “looked back,” and she was turned into a pillar of salt (see verse 26).
Just what did Lot’s wife do that was so wrong? As a student of history, I have thought about that and offer a partial answer. Apparently, what was wrong with Lot’s wife was that she wasn’t just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back. It would appear that even before she was past the city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926–2004) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once said, such people know they should have their primary residence in Zion, but they still hope to keep a summer cottage in Babylon.
It is possible that Lot’s wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind. We certainly know that Laman and Lemuel were resentful when Lehi and his family were commanded to leave Jerusalem. So it isn’t just that she looked back; she looked back longingly. In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future. That, apparently, was at least part of her sin.
As a new year begins and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives.
So a more theological way to talk about Lot’s wife is to say that she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s ability to give her something better than she already had. Apparently, she thought that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as what she was leaving behind." (from the article "The Best is Yet to Be by Jeffery R. Holland")
The Spirit whispered "in 2009 you learned to stop looking longingly back. You have been moving forward." I felt such joy. Let me explain, I think it was in early 2006 that life felt perfect. Seriously. That was until one day I was counseling with the Lord about a situation and the answer I got was not the answer I wanted, so I didn't listen. I moved forward veering from the life path I knew the Lord had planned for me in this one SMALL area. I did not realize the impact it would have on my life.
In the following years I found myself looking back longingly and those seemingly perfect times and wondered how to get them back. I tried very hard. Although I didn't turn into a pillar of salt I did experience much heartache over my decision. I cried more than I was proud of, and spent WAY to many hours thinking and talking about it.
In 2009 I started moving forward, this time on the path that the Lord wanted me too. I feel lighter, more free.
So what goals am I going to set for 2010? I am not sure yet, but you can bet I will listen and follow what the Lord has planned for me.
And I will always remember "Faith is always pointed to the future."
