Through The LOOKING GLASS

Several days ago some high school friends and I got together. A comment was made that went something like this "I still think of you as the same D'Nellie that I knew growing up and in high school." It got me thinking. How do I view myself? How do others view me? Do the two ever meet? And if someone has known you almost your whole life...does their image of you grow and change...and if it does how much and when?

How I view myself: I find that sometimes I feel like the picture above. Some child going through life without a care...and not really paying attention to the world around me or really knowing what is going on.

And sometimes I view myself as I was in the above picture. I distinctly remember getting this photograph taken...well one part. I remember the photographer saying "all the tall people in back"...so where did I go...to the back. I was tall. My view of myself was skewed to what others had told me about myself, or I believed what people said about me. Back to the story: Everyone laughed and I ended up where I did in most of the photographs when I was younger...on my mom's lap. Which is another way I view myself...still a child needing protection from my mom. Still needing her approval and reassurance...still needing her to take care of me...like sewing buttons on my pants. (I can sew a button...thank you very much...I did it on Saturday...much to the surprise of my mom.)

Yet at other times I view myself as I felt I was in high school...trying to appear confident and like I had the world in the palm of my hand. Always looking for an adventure. But inside a little unsure of myself and my abilities and hoping that known one would notice. Yet always laughing.

How do I see myself most of the time? I see myself as all of these people. I am Nellie from my childhood, D'Nellie from Jr. High and High School, D'Nell from my adult life...sprinkled with some Delia and of course from my Dad...a little smidgen of Princess. All of the people I once was...make up the person I am today.

As for the question of how others view me...I honestly don't know. I could guess...but I think I wouldn't quite hit the mark. Does their view ever change? I would hope so...but again it is a mystery. (I could give you several people that I would say know me quite well...you could ask them...but if you do...let's chat afterwards...I want to know what they say!)

(sidebar: uummm...I don't know about you two...but I am ready for a rematch...or maybe instead we should just go shopping! But of course we need those who were missing to come as well!)